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18. You Are My Sweet Burrito (Please Be True)


Many years later, on Sanduleak, collapsed by then to a neutron star, a pulsar, in the Large Magellanic Cloud, I happened to hear the following song by Johnny Abilene and the Haymakers. Folks live on bebop there, always have, always will, but on the station I was tuned to they liked to interrupt the Top Million every now and then for a little down home Country Western, especially tunes that have to do with me, since I am a sort of galactic hero there, or mascot, more like.

The Sanduleans are funny that way, like Bible thumpers on Earth who like to pepper every exchange, however secular or banal, with references to the Gospel:

"Can you believe it, Ethel? They charged me three-fifty for one pair of athletic socks at the Spend-and-Save. I felt like turning over their table."

"Render unto Caesar, Georgette."

"Praise the Lord!"

On Sanduleak they say things like this: "as tight as Gone Joe in Izzys bung." Or when they just almost get something they want, but fail at the very last moment, they often say, "It was like Mel and Nora in Texas."

The number was announced as "You Are My Sweet Burrito (Please Be True)," I think. Things go by very fast on a neutron star, and the news came on right after:

I wont call you "honey," cause you know youre not that sweet,

Or "knockwurst," though you knock me offa my feet.

Youre a sight too lumpy to be my "cream of wheat."

Yes, youre just my salsa verde sweet burrit-

O! Please be true.

Dont leak on my place mat.

Just be you

Underneath that space hat!

You popped from my heart like refries out a tortilla.

Pretty mama, Im hoppin happy to be here and see ya.

Just like Mel when Shaman popped outa his mind,

Im a durned sight spun-around, run-around loco behind.

But if youre true to my dream,

Ill be your sour cream,

My roly-poly holy guacamole sweet burrito queen!

Please be true, true, true!

Wont you please be true?

(The phrase "space hat" in the eighth line refers to the pleated headdress popularized by Abu al-Hawl, the Great Sphinx at Giza, a sort of interstellar thinking cap he used for performing epoches. It became quite fashionable among Earthers of the Egyptian Fifth Dynasty [circa 2500 b.c.] who lived in the vicinity of his landing site. On Sanduleak, its still la look.)

By the way, what Shaman said is quite true. On Sandy, when a singer calls his loved one "pretty mama," he generally means just that.



17. Smiling and Serving | Izzy and the Father of Terror | 19. Lingua Franca